2019. Wow.

As 2019 comes to a close, this marks roughly a year and a half since I’ve last written in this format. It just so happens that I haven’t really ran much since that date either. I’m about 16 months removed from my last race and by most accounts am content to be where I’m at.

2019 is (was) a year that I easily ran the least amount I have since 2005. I’ll attribute most of this to my foot not feeling well enough to do so. I’ve been able to run here and there, but not at the distances and intensity that I’ve become used to. So… I gradually just kind of stopped. My foot feels great when I don’t run. Pretty shitty after I do. So I stopped. I’d rather walk around with my foot not feeling shitty.

Aside from running (as there wasn’t much of this to speak of), 2019 was super stressful. Most things in Breein’s life has been incredibly difficult. By proxy, my day to day has also become pretty stressful. Throughout 2019 I’ve learned a lot. Most of which I would have preferred not to learn; as it was due to all of these events.

In typical fashion, I’d like to list some things I’ve learned or grown to understand better this year. I’ll end by posting some more uplifting photos. 2019 hasn’t been all bad. Just stressful. I still got to do way fun things.

  • The most valuable thing we have is time. This seems pretty obvious. It has become more obvious this year and actually has nothing to do with death or mortality. I’ve witnessed everyone and God rob my wife of time. Every single day, someone is asking her to do something for them. Constantly. Every day. Multiple times a day. People rob her of her time. Rob her of her energy. Rob her of joy. This is all because they can and feel entitled to it. They are takers. They provide nothing in return other than the opportunity to be helped by her. I am thankful for the people that don’t take from her. Just because someone is capable and able to help, doesn’t mean you should ask. One sided relationships aren’t relationships. If you don’t provide any value in said relationship, you are just stealing someone’s energy and time.
  • I am not defined by what I do. In years past I’ve had the need to be defined or associated with some sort of thing. Running or ultra running has been that thing for a very long time. If someone were to ask me what defines me or who I am, I would have most likely answered something to do with ultra running. I haven’t ran much in about 16 months. I don’t miss it. I have nothing to prove. I’m tired of beating the shit out of my body and feeding some sort of cross bearing ego (ultra running is a lot about ego… if you don’t believe this, you’re fooling yourself). I am Harrison. I am nothing else.
  • Surround yourself with different people. With my life evolving away from the ego boosting and masochistic world of ultra running, I’ve had the opportunity to meet different people. I’ve done a lot of yoga. I’ve done even more Pilates. Along the way I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a lot of people I wouldn’t have had I stayed in my comfortable bubble. I’m kind of not good at yoga or Pilates. But they are both a lot of fun in their own way. I am thankful for the new people I’ve met this year. I don’t talk all that much during any of these things… but thankfully those around me have helped me feel welcomed. It is much appreciated.
  • 90/10. I am incredibly comfortable alone. I am increasingly thankful of my small circle of people I communicate with. I see Breein’s large group of relationships and people that she cares about and it honestly scares the shit out of me. I won’t go into (again) how she has been taken advantage of this year, but the contrast her and I have is stark when it comes to relationships. I am not capable of doing what she does. With that said, pure isolation isn’t good for me. The times I’ve truly cratered out this year has been due to feeling isolated and alone. I actually need people around 10% of the time. Recognizing that fact has been a good thing for me.

Four things. That’s it. That’s all I’ve learned this year. Next year I’ll try to make it five.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s